Thursday, December 27, 2012

Q30:21: A Contemporary Perspective on Marriage Management


Okay the tittle seems so mainstream right? But that's actually the tittle of a lecture that i coincidentally attended a few weeks back at UTP. It was an every-semester lecture thing. And the lecture was by Ustaz Hasrizal that wrote a few books that i really love. Alhamdulillah i was given the opportunity to sit there and listen.

Before i get to his main point, let me brief you on what he defined as a 'marriage'. Well, marriage is like a bond. A bond that you tie with nikah. And a happy one depends on how you perceive such things. Marriage shouldn't be like football where you go after the ball and when you get it, you kick it away. It should be like rugby, where you go after the ball and hold on to it until you score.

There was a statement by Mother Teresa when she received the Nobel Prize in 1979. When the media asked her, "What do you think we should do to change the world?" and she answered, "Go home and love your family." That proves how much a marriage--a family; a united one; a loving one; would be so powerful that it would change the world.

Okay, moving on to his main point that was on Surah Ar-Rum, verse 21 [30:21]

From the verse we can see that i've highlighted a few words that is, 'azwaaja', 'mawaddah', 'wa rahmah', 'yatafakkarun' and tranquility. Correct me if i'm wrong here. But 'azwajaa' can be defined as a partner, a spouse. I quote the verse, '..He created for you from yourselves mates.." Mates = partner. So here, Allah has stated in the Quran that He has already set a partner for each and everyone of us.

Moving on to he next word in the verse, tranquility. '..He created for you from yourselves, mates that you may find tranquility in them..' tranquility here in the arabic word is Sakinah. It means, instant happiness. So Allah has stated in the Quran that He has created us partners for us to find happiness in this world and insyaAllah till jannah. Subahanallah.

This word relates when you are single (and ready to mingle), is when you choose a spouse when you have that feeling where you know you can find the instant happiness between you and your bride/groom to be. Or atleast something like that.

Next up is Mawaddah. Mawaddah here means affection where it increases more and more, day by day as long as the couple feels that there's tranquility between them. Mawaddah is stated in the verse because this relates when the couple is newly married. For the first few years of marriage there will be mawaddah between them whereas they feel love that is increasing day by day. Getting my point? Good :)

Moving on, to 'Wa Rahmah'. 'Wa' acually means 'And' in arabic. 'Rahmah' here means mercy. Rahmah is stated in the verse because this relates when the couple is moving on the phase two of a marriage which is after three years and above of marriage. This is when mawaddah isn't enough to help when the couple is having a fight or even a small quarrel.

I give you a situation. There's a couple that has been married for three years. They haven't got a child because the husband is 'not ready'. The wife is pissed off. One day, she asked him whether he loves her or not. The husband didn't answer her. Yet, he ignored her. She did something that got his attention that actually pissed the husband off. They got into a fight. At the end of the fight, the wife yelled out, "Enough! I want out!" Without thinking thoroughly, the husband screamed back, "You want out? You got it!"

Well what i'm trying to say here is that without 'Rahmah' here in the marriage, the couple doesn't seem to be thinking thoroughly before calling of a decision. They need 'Rahmah' to be the mercy to help a dead end.  Or else they would be screaming out things that are actually the what the syaitan whispers them. That is seriously dangerous. Because just with syaitan's whisper, you could ruin a marriage within a few seconds. Astaghfirullah.

The last word is, "Yatafakkarun" means that the people who give a thought. People who gives a thought to get married, to hold on to their marriage, to tranquilize and so on. So basically it means that this verse is for those to actually wants to get married for the sake of Islam. Subahanallah ^^

As a closure, i'm going to share with you a few things that you should do when you get into a fight. Aha.

1. Pardon --you forgive the person above anything else.
2. Mercy --you have mercy for whatever they did. Having husnuzzon, that they did it for something they couldn't avoid.
3. Ask forgiveness --be humble and bring each other to an equal level.
4. Consult --whereas it is a two way talk. One talks and one listen, then they interact.
5. Decide and trust in Allah --any crisis must be solved until it IS solved. Because Allah has promised that nothing in this world has a dead end except for death.

I guess that is about it. This post goes out to Angah. She's sitting for her final exam today. Goodluck, sis. May the power be with you :)

Aina Shobri


AM Syaza said...

Alhamdulillah... jazakillahu 5oyron kathira ukhti..

Eh, ni adik alya shobri ke? =)

Aina Shobri said...

Afwan :3

--A'ah, adik dia.

Anonymous said...

thumbs up ! Jazakillah sis. May Allah bless.