Tuesday, December 27, 2011

should i give up or should i just keep on chasing pavements?

assalamualaikum wrt! :)

hello peeps. this is my second post after PMR results. been a bit busy, grandparent's anniversary and stuff. so it's 2.04AM and i'm still awake. wide awake. not even sleepy. i have no idea why. i promised myself to tidy up my room tomorrow but it seems like i'll be sleeping all day tomorrow. pfft K itu cari nahas namanya.

well, motif post ni basically pasal this year. 2011. a year full of memories. joy and tears. aku rasa tahun ni paling banyak aku menangis atas kejahilan diri aku sendiri. kesilapan aku. kekhilafan aku atas segalanya. ya, aku akui aku sangat lemah. tapi tak bermakna aku boleh ditindas. apa aku merepek ni? moving on!

lately, everyone i know is just being plain cold to me. i don't know whether it's just me being emo or it's really them being an ass. sorry for the language but as a human being, i do have my limit. ehem, moving on.

i don't know if my mood swings are getting worse or i just can't control my anger issue. i'm so fragile. i don't know why. thank Allah for this hidayah.. a few days back i realize, i seriously don't need to impress anyone to feel ok. to feel accepted or whatever. i've been a complete hypocrite for the past few months, just trying to impress everyone.

i'm no rich daughter. i'm just a daughter of an engineer and a teacher. i'm no famous person. i'm just a student from an ordinary day school. i'm no genius. i'm just a typically lazy ass student who do last minute studying and stay up all night worrying about her results.

thinking of what Allah had given to me since i was born, and thinking of what i'm trying to pretend to be.. is just wrong. i realize that i'm being an ass to everyone around me that is trying to pull me out from that path.

"Maka mana satu di antara nikmat-nikmat Tuhan kamu, yang hendak kamu dustakan?"
Surah Ar Rahman

so just from this ayah we can see that Allah has given us many things. many pleasure in life. it's just us who doesn't know how to use it. sometimes we think Allah is being mean to us by giving test and trials in life. but fact is, there's an ayah in the Quran which says,

"Apakah kamu mengira bahawa kamu akan masuk syurga, padahal belum datang kepadamu (ujian) sebagaimana halnya orang-orang terdahulu sebelum kamu?..."
Surah Ali Imran, 214

"Apakah manusia itu mengira bahawa mereka dibiarkan sahaja mengatakan: 'kami telah beriman', sedangkan mereka belum diuji lagi? Dan sesungguhnya kami telah menguji orang-orang yang sebelum mereka, maka sesungguhnya Allah mengetahui orang-orang yang benar dan sesungguhnya Dia mengetahui orang-orang yang dusta"
Surah Al Ankabut 2-3

okay so how does all this connect? my point is, though i myself am going through a hard time and still trying to cope with everything.. whatever happens, we must always trust in Allah and stay positive no matter what. *kudos to Kak Timah for helping me thou :)*

still not getting it? okay basically this is my point: whenever you're going through a hard time, do stop and think of what you have now. you have your family, you have people to talk to, most importantly you have your family no matter what. and you have pleasures in life which some people may not have.

and do think of what Allah is trying to do. if Allah doesn't give you the sunshine now, it doesn't mean that Allah won't give you the sunshine forever. this is called life for a reason. we have our ups and downs. if today is your 'down', then perhaps tomorrow is your 'ups'. who knows?

and if you loose someone special whom you care about alot, do stop and think.. perhaps Allah wants you to be closer to Him instead of the person that you care about so much. and perhaps Allah just wants the best for you. if He doesn't let you to be with them, who knows.. maybe they'll be back to you soon. not in this life, perhaps in jannatul firdausi, insyaAllah.

excuse me for the emo post. i started off with some words i shouldn't have used but i hope you people get my point. no matter how life treats you.. no matter how down you are.. no matter what you're going through.. do remember to be yourself and never try to run and be someone else. you'll get yourself into more trouble and you'll end up strangling yourself.

get my point now? do remember that Allah is always with you, insyaAllah. i myself am a human being so i have my problems as well. all and all, lets try to face it together (pfft aku cakap sensorang ni.)

this'll be about it. till the next time. it's already 4.09AM!

p/s: Adele's Chasing Pavement means so much to me right now. (dengar tu dengar jugak. feel tu feel jugak. ingat, jangan sampai terbawa-bawa sudah! :P)

-Aina Shobri

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