i've gotta admit it. lately, my moods are.. just not that stabilized. i don't know what's wrong with me. it's as if everything i do is wrong, thus my good mood disapears into thin air -.-" yeah and lately, my study times are all over the place and i barely see myself doing some exercises. my day isn't complete w/out me getting shouted at. huh. so much for a good life.
i don't know why people see me as someone who has 'the life' that they've always wanted. it's not that i'm being ungrateful. trust me, i'm grateful for everything i have today. but it's just that sometimes, i need my own space which they don't even trust me to have. i'm not worthy enough to have my own space? i know i've done some wrongs in the past. but that's then.
why can't you guys trust me and then convince me that i'm trusted? but no. you guys say you guys trust me but what you're actually doing is just taking more of what i have. now you guys want me to hold on to my promise but what about you guys? my strength lies beneath you guys. but now it's fading away and now i don't know who to trust.
my life is falling apart. i may seem happy. i may be smiling. i may be laughing. i may be making those stupid jokes. i may seem calm. but deep down inside, i'm trapped. loneliness. hah. i may seem happy today. am i? i dnt knw -.-"
enough pain. enough toturing myself. imma go for a jog and relax myself. besides, tomorrow's my lover's birthday :DD going for a perarakan at Padang Kota. Allahumma Solli A'ala Muhammad..
lets end this post with something that might soothe our souls.
*click play :)
p/s: this post was typed when i'm in a so-so mood. so abaikan saja apa2 yang rasa macam tak ada kena mengena dengan awal2 post -.-"